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About me

I am the coolest shit to set foot on the earth since the fucking Fonz. Suck my dick, Scott: And you'll enjoy it.

Suck my Mom's dick too - it's big.

Occupation: Hobo/Buttmunch/Gigolo/Employee at Bluth Company

About my collections

Movie: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Actor: Nicolas Cage
Director: Stanley Kubrick
Album: Pet Sounds
Band/Artist: The Beach Boys
Book: Ulysses
Author: James Joyce


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Recent reviews

All reviews - Movies (122) - Books (1)

Ulysses review

Posted : 1 week, 1 day ago on 14 April 2014 09:36 (A review of Ulysses)

"I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

Ulysses is James Joyce’s incomparable work of experimental fiction, a practically unrivaled piece of literature. It is true that the novel isn’t necessarily accessible -- it is indeed extremely vague and archaic at times and the plotting can be extremely deceptive -- but Joyce never intended it to be a walk through the park for the readers. It’s difficult, but much of it was never meant to be “understood”; the only thing that was meant to be completely comprehended is the atmosphere the story conveys: the novel reads much like poetry.

A common thing that both the novel’s advocates and its opponents do not recognize is the comic genius Joyce expresses blatantly throughout the book. He blends fart jokes with intellectualism, and the book seems to take pride in its own crudeness and scatological references. And though the novel does extremely realistic in the way it portrays the characters’ actions, the characters’ thoughts couldn’t be more absurd.

Sometimes the book comes off as being depressing, i.e. showing the breaking of fidelity in marriage, but, all in all, the book is deeply humanist. I interpreted the novel’s themes as something like that universal love, both sexual and emotional, is a beautiful thing and though problems with finding this love will definitely arise, but these qualms will ultimately fail and grudges are finite.

This is the best book I have ever read. It’s a bold statement indeed, but I can say it with the utmost sincerity. It’s one of the funniest, one of the most innovative and meticulously-crafted, one of the most satirically brilliant, and one of the most beautiful books in existence (and if all of these classifications are not true, then they each the literal paragon of each of those categories (i.e. the very funniest)) and it has literally transcended time and remains equally as relevant today as it was upon its first publication.

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Nebraska review

Posted : 1 month, 3 weeks ago on 1 March 2014 11:42 (A review of Nebraska)

Alexander Payne's Nebraska has since been the center of much acclaim, and rightfully so; it's one of the premier films of 2013. Payne's last effort, The Descendants, was one of my favorite films of 2011, but I think that this is even better or, at least, more likable (I tend to like modern black-and-white films that portray a certain desolation, i.e. The Last Picture Show or Satantango).

Admittedly, it does have one or two scenes that were randomly and pointlessly interjected for the sake of comedy or intensity - both either minor or irrelevant aspects of the film's themes and style - and even though they were somewhat enjoyable, they easily could've been left out. But these scenes' impact on the overall quality was minute to say the least, and though the film would have been ultimately superior without them, my opinion still remains extremely positive in spite of these incredibly small flaws that were probably only personal qualms due to my increasing fastidiousness.

The film's acting was top-notch; actors of whom I have never heard before - namely Will forte, June Squibb and Bob Odenkirk - gave strong and effective performances with a sufficient display of manifest emotion; but Bruce Dern truly stole the show here. Put bluntly, he was "the shit"; his performance was not only ridiculously realistic but also provided ample room for emotional impact. There's no doubt in my mind that tomorrow (this will be outdated soon; please ignore this "tomorrow" remark, and doubly ignore it if McConaughey does not win - I honestly do not feel like editing this review in subsequent days), Matthew McConaughey will win Best Actor for his performance in Dallas Buyers Club, and deservedly so; he was great. But I think Dern gave an equally awesome performance and, in many ways, it was superior; I'd place the performance as one of the year's best, alongside Joaquin Phoenix's in Her, the aforementioned McConaughey performance, Cate Blanchett's in Blue Jasmine (for my money, the best performance of 2013), and Michael Douglas's in Behind the Candelabra; and part of me would champion the his impressive tour-de-force as the year's best male performance.

The story was simplistic but actually very impactful. I saw the road trip part of the story to work almost as a McGuffin to display the themes of nostalgia and the effects of mistreatment that arise in old age. I'll admit to crying here. Me displaying emotion is something I find to be a rarity nowadays, and the amount of moisture erected from my tear ducts could've probably filled a cupful. This is obviously a hyperbole (you dumb fucks), but I cannot deny being emotionally moved.

The entire style Payne took in making the film was one of the film's strongest facets. The black-and-white cinematography was absolutely beautiful (primarily the memorable final shot) and the camerawork came off like it had this sort of beautiful quirkiness to it. That sounds rather strange, but I honestly can't describe it any other way. Furthermore, the music really captured the film's essence in a nutshell and aided it greatly. The script was really good, too, and had some genius dark comedy.

In spite of small qualms I did have, I can say that I not only thoroughly enjoyed Nebraska, but I legitimately loved it. I'd doubtlessly place it among the finest films of 2013 and even of the recent decade.

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Freddy Got Fingered review

Posted : 2 months, 2 weeks ago on 7 February 2014 08:47 (A review of Freddy Got Fingered)

Freddy Got Fingered, since its release, has been considered one of the worst films of the decade and even of all-time. However, it has achieved an odd cult-following over the years, even receiving such praise as people calling it a "masterpiece". And though I would not quite consider it a masterpiece, I am one of the minority who just, put bluntly, loved the film. Admittedly, there are some scenes here and there that get a tad superfluous, but they are minor flaws; the film's brilliant satire and portrayal of humanity's own inherent dehumanization is possibly the most effective of its kind (I actually slightly preferred it to American Beauty), and that's not to mention that the entire thing is just absurdly hilarious: in fact, I'd venture to say that it's one of the funniest films I've ever seen.

The story was really good, but I though that the two best things were the acting and the script. Green's outrageous acting and screenplay are probably the film's two greatest aspects; the script works on several different layers, and the brilliant dialogues coupled with the character of Gord's ribaldry could seriously pass off as the archetype of the absurd comedic satire. Just about every scene is filled with raunchy implications and/or actions and some sort of batshit crazy humor.

I guess I can see the general hate for the film; I mean, it could be construed as totally obnoxious and redundant throughout and not the least bit entertaining (etc., etc.), but I don't know if those people don't get the satire or just the humor in general, though it's probably both.

Actually, in some ways the film is more disturbing than it is funny; if anybody has seen David Lynch's short, obscure masterpiece DumbLand, you may actually get what I'm talking about here. It's just absolutely shameful to look upon humanity - ourselves - act like this.

At least in my opinion, this film is brilliant. Despite its small indulgences, the film carried out its ideas absolutely perfectly and it proved to be one of the most entertaining things I've seen in a really, really long time.

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Shoot 'Em Up review

Posted : 2 months, 2 weeks ago on 5 February 2014 09:29 (A review of Shoot 'Em Up)

Shoot 'Em Up is one of the most hilariously bad films I have seen in quite a long (LONG) while, put bluntly. I haven't had this much fun from any film, for that matter, for a good while. I would consider it to be a masterpiece of the "So Bad It's Good" films, but, unfortunately, its awesomeness was subsided by political heavy-handedness (I will cover this topic below). (And though I consider it a film that is "so bad it's good", I know that this effect was purely intentional.)

Right from the get-go we have one of the most memorable moments in action film history. The scene where Smith punch's the carrot into the gangster's head and utters the brilliant, Schwarzenegger-an one-liner, "Eat your vegetables" is easily among the greatest of one-liners in cinema history. The film is filled to the brim with them, and they are just as witty as the last. The writing was, in an odd sort of way, brilliant. The scene where Smith and Bellucci's character fuck and Smith is killing all of those guys and then says something like "Talk about blowing your load" is fucking priceless and immediately became among the funniest scenes I have witnessed from cinema.

Visually the film was astounding, again in an odd sort of way; the action and special effects were awesomely corny and totally preposterous, and it made for an extremely effective evocation of modern cinematic fun.

However, the film was constantly diluted with what may be the greatest hypocrisy in the history of celluloid: a film in which the protagonist kills probably hundreds of people over the course of a meager 86 minutes takes a stance in support of gun control: in fact, there is even a scene where the main character executes a man - with a gun, nonetheless - for advocating gun control. There are also constant remarks that ridicule the 2nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, and these lines are, again, said by a man protecting himself, a woman and a baby from an overpowering force of men with guns. Obviously I am an ardent pro-gunner, but my politics are beside the point: this is about the most hypocritical and ineffective way of utilizing political theme I have ever seen. Now, as is the entire film, this could be a statement on Hollywood's profit from mindless, bloody and gun-filled action films, while employing such actors as Matt Damon and Jeremy Renner who take an outwardly fervent stance on gun control (they are, evidently, in favor of it) and satirize the irony behind the entire action movie business. I can't completely disregard this theory, not just because I'm hopeful but because it's completely plausible, but still highly unlikely. Like I said, even in spite of my political agendas, there is no denying the film's hypocrisy and ignorance of its own irony.

But, still, there is no doubting the sheer hilarity and brilliance of Shoot 'Em Up's witticisms; it has an utterly brilliant script and it delivered some of the most cinematic fun I've had in seemingly ages, despite the total insincerity and hypocrisy of its anti-gun theme.

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Where the Wild Things Are review

Posted : 2 months, 4 weeks ago on 25 January 2014 08:33 (A review of Where the Wild Things Are)

Making a faithful and satisfying yet lengthy adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's tale may seem like an extremely hard undertaking, and yet Jonze pulled it off with a masterstroke: though the story was greatly altered from a sweet, innocent and simple children's tale to a complex, unconventional, mature and touching adult's story, the vision of the original story stayed unchanged in most aspects, and it proved to be an overall extremely impressive watch.

Where the Wild Things Are is my third Jonze film I've seen thus far: I saw prior to this Her and Adaptation, two incredible films with the former, in my opinion, being a masterpiece, and though I thought that this one was actually probably Jonze's weakest one I've seen (just have to see Being John Malkovich now), that in no way makes it bad, and even when compared to the other two it's not even bad, just merely inferior, and in many ways it is actually on-par with Adaptation.

I think I was most impressed with the unconventionality of the film in general. The cinematography was simply remarkable and at times utterly stunning; the camera angles and motions were really neat and almost awe-inspiring to look upon; and the mannerisms and actions of pretty much all of the characters - especially the Wild Things - were great. The script actually didn't impress me too much: it was far from being bad, in fact it was pretty good, but when compared to something like Adaptation it is far weaker. I do know that's an unfair comparison because that's a Kaufman writing, and this one isn't, but even Her had magnificent and quirky writing, and that was written by Jonze as well (though this one was only co-written by him; not sure who had the majority of the work, he or the other guy, Dave Eggers). There was something lacking, but it still had a nice script, just thought I'd add that in.

However, despite the great, hipster-ish take on the story, the unconventionality did, in some ways, contribute to the film's detriment. I though the soundtrack was really, really overused and was really not that great, actually, in fact it was a bit obnoxious at some parts, and the little boy, Max, was sometimes a bit too outlandish and weird and even, I daresay, psychotic to identify with sometimes, making the film sort of a hard watch in parts.

But, nonetheless, the film was really good, and is one of the few films I've ever seen that had my emotions in stitches; many scenes were simply beautiful and the ending is one of the saddest scenes in recent memory. However, it was not flawless, even though it was a very, very entertaining film overall and it remained true to Sendak's vision, in an odd way, in my opinion.

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Her review

Posted : 3 months ago on 19 January 2014 08:06 (A review of Her)

I honestly would never have thought that Spike Jonze's newest effort Her would have such an impact on audiences and be one of 2013's finest achievements, nor did I expect it to resonate with me so much. I have never seen any of Jonze's films (though I expect to watch Being John Malkovich and Adaptation very soon, and they're doubly important after being blown away here) but I understand their reputation for being extremely quirky and witty. This film obviously was that, but it was also so much more: it was both a beautiful, touching love story and a biting social commentary, each masterfully realized and equally effective. It's undoubtedly the best sci-fi of the year (fuck Gravity) and possibly even the best overall, its only rival being 2013's other masterpiece, 12 Years a Slave, in my opinion.

The film was technically astounding and pretty much perfection; Phoenix gave a beautiful performance to remind us, once again, that he's one of the finest actors in the business today and even of all-time, possibly. Visually it was wonderful and there were certain shots that have stuck with me, embedded in my head. The score was one of the film's strongest facets; it fit the mood of the film to a tee and it was just beautiful and it conveyed whatever was going on in the film so well: I think the score was vital for the film's ultimate success and delivery. The script was truly incredible. It was never cliched and the way it deconstructed the conventional romance and used the outline of one while making it as unconventional as film can get was totally brilliant and fascinating, and the lines had such humanity, not only because they could be so poignant and touching but because they could also be so relatable and so funny.

Like I said up above, the film's satire was great; it's seriously the most socially important and relevant film in years. It shows just what a huge impact technology and electronics have on our lives today and the ending in which all of the OSS's leave reveals the message especially. What would most of us honestly be doing in our free time besides something electronically-oriented or maybe reading - which has also been partially taken over by the electronic age with Kindles and shit? Anymore, technology constitutes such a big part of our lives its potentially dangerous, in a way. (And I'm one to talk; I'm on this computer right now writing a useless review that will probably take up a good portion of my own free time)

But the best part of the film, in my opinion, was the beautiful and heartfelt and perfectly-portrayed relationship between Theodore and Samantha. It was so realistic yet so absurd at the same time, and I really loved that and they created something truly to love and two characters that one can relate to and that brought in some true emotion and humanity in the characters and in the plot. The characters were all multi-dimensional, even the supporting ones, and this helped the emotional aspect of the film a lot and one could see the pros and cons in everybody.

Her is a film that no one should miss; it's can be so charming and funny while being equally as touching and heartfelt, and the script is one of the best in recent memory. It touched me at times like very few films ever have and it really did a number on me emotionally: I don't think I'll be forgetting this experience for a long, long while and I'd return to it without hesitation.

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Gangs of New York review

Posted : 3 months ago on 18 January 2014 11:58 (A review of Gangs of New York)

This starts a new string of film reviews in which I will no longer stay consistent, or, in other words, I won't always write reviews, only when I feel like I have a lot to say about the films I watch. Well, anyways, here it goes:

Scorsese and DiCaprio have had a continuous string of films recently, one to arguably rival (though undoubtedly stay in the shadow of) Scorsese's and De Niro's epic run, and Gangs of New York is the first of their collaborations. I've now seen three - the masterful The Departed and the average Shutter Island and now this one - and I think I can say that this falls in the middle of the pack; it does have a truly awesome plot and some great direction and an absolutely powerful, tour-de-force performance from Day-Lewis, and yet I think Scorsese really did muck up a film that actually may have had potential to be some sort of masterpiece: he made the whole thing super bombastic and modern, and his over-the-top approach did not resonate with me in the very least. I was honestly expecting a much more classy, much more gritty vision but instead it felt more like a mild, more blood-soaked Baz Luhrmann film, not a realistic, tough and gritty Scorsese film like I'm used to, like masterpieces such as Taxi Driver or GoodFellas.

Nonetheless, what Scorsese made is still far from being bad; on the contrary: it was quite good. And despite it being as showy and as over-the-top as it gets, I could still find something to love in its delivery, which ultimately made the film very, very fun, even if it is something of the polar opposite of a masterpiece. It thought that Scorsese's modernist approach was ultimately the film's biggest folly, but it still created some nice visuals and ultimately a good time. And though I found that sometimes the pacing was off and it meandered, I thought that the three-hour run-time went by surprisingly quickly and I was totally entertained for the majority of it.

So, in spite of the fact that my expectations were extremely high and that I was sort of let-down, there's seriously no doubting the great entertainment Gangs of New York delivers, and not for one second do I regret watching it, even if there are other films that could make better use of those three hours.

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Stolen review

Posted : 3 months ago on 17 January 2014 11:31 (A review of Stolen)

Meh; pretty much just another one of those non-awesome and non-batshit-crazy Cage films. Some pretty awesome Cage moments scattered around here and there, but overall absolutely nothing special and even quite a bit boring and way overly melodramatic. I don't feel like justifying myself in the least right now so fuck off.

Note: My "reviews", if you will, end up being really contrived and futile so this is actually going to be my last one that I will do. Well, it will end the streak of doing them continuously; I will still write reviews a good lot of time but only if I have a lot to say and important things to say, rather than just saying something for saying something's sake.

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The Frozen Ground review

Posted : 3 months, 1 week ago on 16 January 2014 08:08 (A review of The Frozen Ground)

Honestly, this film didn't really interest me and though it did have some masterful, disturbing scenes, maybe, here and there, I thought it was, overall, boring as Hell. The acting from Cage and Cusack was really good but Vanessa Hudgens was just awful and totally melodramatic. The plot wasn't actually very thrilling at all and worked on pretty much no level. The main problem was the pacing, however; after about twenty minutes I started to fall asleep and was barely able to make it through the whole thing.

I did enjoy the scenes where it showed the killer's lair and the ending with the photographs, and some of the other scenes weren't too bad, either, but overall this film was just a bore. It actually may have had potential but just had bad script-writing ethics and casting Hudgens here was a clear-cut mistake. I don't recommend, really; don't waste your time.

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Kick-Ass 2 review

Posted : 3 months, 1 week ago on 14 January 2014 07:38 (A review of Kick-Ass 2)

Personally, I loved the first Kick-Ass, however this one paled in comparison; it wasn't actually bad - like I expected - but more average, as it had some of the most horrendous scenes I have ever experienced, all of those consisting with Hit-Girl's subplot, especially with those girls (that diarrhea and vomit scene was awful to the extreme and her dance scene was about as horrible) at the high school. And there was no Nicolas Cage which was horrible not only because he really made the first movie but because he could've balanced out the Hit-Girl story and made it awesome. Another thing I disliked was that (spoilers for both Kick-Ass films here) Dave's Dad died, which is basically the second uber-tragic and depressing and unexpected and sacrificial Dad-death in this series, this one even more so (though it wasn't quite as heavy-impacting, possibly, as Cage's death in the First One; that scene was pretty amazing, just maybe not as unsettling as this one).

However, the atrocities just mentioned must give you a vision of the awesomeness that the film did contain for me to give it such a relatively high rating; the Superhero group was really neat and Jim Carrey - an actor who usually annoys the hell out of me - was pretty awesome and some of those superheroes - especially him - were pretty bad-ass. The soundtrack was pretty cool again, and the story and fight scenes were fun, as well. Some of the scenes carried some of the hilarity and charm of the first one, which greatly delighted me, as well.

So, I did really enjoy the film, but without that Hit-Girl subplot being all popular shit at the high school I could have really enjoyed it and possibly have given it a "6". I think I'm being a bit generous with my rating, perhaps, but I greatly enjoyed it even though its number of flaws were through the roof.

Oh and I loved how Kick-Ass wore Big Daddy's armor in the end; a great homage and made me even feel nostalgic though I just watched the first Kick-Ass film only like a week ago.

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thenoah added 1 item to Films I Should Re-Watch list
I watched this film one time and it instantly became one of my all-time favorites. I think a re-watch will bring it up even higher, possibly to the #1 spot, but it's hard to find online anymore.
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Breakfast at Tiffany
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It Could Happen to You
April 21 I was expecting something pretty crappy, but this actually turned out really good. Conventional, but touching and funny and Nicolas Cage was great in his role.
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""In this digital age, I can't just download one song. I always have to get the whole album. Thanks for reading and listening." Couldn't agree with you more. Interesting list"

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April 18 2nd Viewing Original Rating: 4 New Rating: 4
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Posted: 1 week ago at Apr 15 18:48
Thanks for the vote.
Posted: 1 week, 1 day ago at Apr 15 8:57
Thanks for the new list vote and comment!
Posted: 1 week, 3 days ago at Apr 12 23:00
Thanks for the list vote!
Posted: 3 weeks, 6 days ago at Mar 26 10:06
Thanks for the list vote!
Posted: 1 month ago at Mar 20 0:59
Thank U so much for the list vote and participation. WOW! Been away from the site for a day and look what happens?:O

CD Smiles is right, I really should have made that more clear, *sorry for any confusion on my part?* I meant to stipulate the alternatives are for films that AREN'T amongst the nominees!

No biggie though, hope that clears things up?:)...
Posted: 1 month ago at Mar 18 2:53
Hey, just letting a few friends know I've made a new SHOULD IT HAVE WON? list, check it out when you get the chance, K?;D

Posted: 1 month, 1 week ago at Mar 16 22:34
Because you like Cormac McCarthy, you'll probably like the Sunset Limited.
spoiler alert -
"I don't believe in God. Can you understand that? Look around you man. Cant you see? The clamor and din of those in torment has to be the sound most pleasing to his ear. And I loathe these discussions. The argument of the village atheist whose single passion is to revile endlessly that which he denies the existence of in the first place. Your fellowship is a fellowship of pain and nothing more. And if that pain were actually collective instead of simply reiterative then the sheer weight of it would drag the world from the walls of the universe and send it crashing and burning through whatever night it might yet be capable of engendering until it was not even ash. And justice? Brotherhood? Eternal life? Good god, man. Show me a religion that prepares one for death. For nothingness. There's a church I might enter. Yours prepares one only for more life. For dreams and illusions and lies. If you could banish the fear of death from men's hearts they wouldnt live a day. Who would want this nightmare if not for fear of the next? The shadow of the axe hangs over every joy. Every road ends in death. Or worse. Every friendship. Every love. Torment, betrayal, loss, suffering, pain, age, indignity, and hideous lingering illness. All with a single conclusion. For you and for every one and everything that you have chosen to care for. There's the true brotherhood. The true fellowship. And everyone is a member for life. You tell me that my brother is my salvation? My salvation? Well then damn him. Damn him in every shape and form and guise. Do I see myself in him? Yes. I do. And what I see sickens me. Do you understand me? Can you understand me?"
Posted: 1 month, 2 weeks ago at Mar 9 19:48
thanks for pic vote and comment! :)
Posted: 1 month, 2 weeks ago at Mar 8 21:23
Thanks for the vote.
Posted: 1 month, 3 weeks ago at Mar 2 1:04
Nebraksa has been sitting on my computer for a while now, I was asked not to watch it by myself because my parents want to watch it too, but then they never want to, lol. One of these days.
Posted: 1 month, 3 weeks ago at Feb 27 18:37
I think you'd like this Chekhov story alluding to atheism.

Stephen Fry recorded some of his stories too.
Posted: 1 month, 4 weeks ago at Feb 23 21:15
Yeah, I think I'm probably going to stop watching after season 1, it's not really doing anything for me.
Posted: 1 month, 4 weeks ago at Feb 23 2:46
Thanks for the truckload of votes! =)
Posted: 2 months, 2 weeks ago at Feb 4 17:32
Thanks for the vote!

Posted: 2 months, 2 weeks ago at Feb 1 11:32
Big thanks for the vote on my list.

BTW I like Nicolas Cage. Don't understand why people don't like him. He's a good actor, even when he's being crazy and making us laugh.
Posted: 2 months, 3 weeks ago at Jan 25 9:58
Thanks so much for the list vote! :)
Posted: 2 months, 4 weeks ago at Jan 24 17:13
Thanks for the vote!
Posted: 3 months ago at Jan 21 11:01
Thanks for the list vote! :)
Posted: 3 months ago at Jan 20 5:25
I definitely will see Her sometime since I really like the premise and I really liked the two Spike Jonze movies that I've seen.
Posted: 3 months ago at Jan 19 18:08
She got old and bitter.